There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
