Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
