I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
