what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
