im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it glows. i had to have it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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