Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
