Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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