super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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