Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
