I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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