I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
