The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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