I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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