We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
