People with herpes should wear stickers.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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