Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
