We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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