Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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