thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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