Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
