I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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