the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
