OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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