there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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