He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He passed out mid-signature
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
