What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
