I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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