Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
