CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Drake has all the answers
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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