Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
