If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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