Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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