Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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