Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
