Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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