And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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