there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
