Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
