I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
