We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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