Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
