found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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