1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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