Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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