So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
