highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
