I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
