i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
