You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
