Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
