I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Everything about him screamed your future.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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